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Sep 16 2026 Harmful Speech

Categories:
Character Building, Grandparent, Jewish Values
Ages:
6-10

Situation: Hearing Gossip from a Friend 

A friend tells you he heard that a classmate cheated on a test. You’ve heard the same thing, but you don’t know if it is true.

Jewish Wisdom: Lashon Hara, לשון הרע, Harmful Speech

“Do not go about as a talebearer (gossiper) among your people.” (Leviticus 19:16).

“Lashon hara kills three: the one who speaks it, the one who listens, and the one it is spoken about.” (Arachin 15b)

Building Skills and Character: Recognizing, avoiding, and responding to harmful speech

How do you feel after hearing your friend talk about a classmate this way?
  1. What are some thing you could do? For example:
  • Tell your friend that you don’t know if it’s true.
  • Tell your friend you don’t think they should repeat this to anyone else.
  • Change the subject.
  • Decide you will not repeat this to anyone else.
  1. Which response do you think is the most “mensch-like”? Why? Do any of the above reflect the Jewish value of not participating in lashon hara?
  2. Can you think of any other respectful ways to respond?

Talk about it. 

  • In what ways do words have the power to cause harm?

  • How would you feel if someone shared something about you with others that wasn’t true or that you didn’t want them to know? What might you do about it?

  • What do you think it means that the listener is included in the second text? Why might listening be considered part of the harm?

Together decide what the “mensch move” is for the opening situation. 

A Story: 

Read together “A Pillow Full of Feathers,” a parable teaching that once lashon hara is spoken, we cannot retrieve or fully undo it. 

In the town of Pinsk, in Eastern Europe, there lived a man who loved to gossip. He knew it was wrong, but he figured it was harmless, because most of what he said about other people was actually true.

One day, feeling regretful, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness and said he was willing to try to make things right. The rabbi told him to take several feather pillows, cut them open, and scatter the feathers to the winds. The man did so, but when he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done as he was asked, the rabbi said, “Now go and gather all the feathers.”

The man protested, “But that is impossible.”

“Of course it is,” said the rabbi. “And though you may sincerely regret what you have done and truly desire to correct it, it is as impossible to undo the harm caused by your words as it would be to gather every feather.”

Nancy Parkes, EdD, is an educator, consultant, and expert in social, emotional, and spiritual learning who helps educators integrate these essential competencies into teaching, learning, and community life. 

Photograph courtesy of Pexels